If you have reached 45wpm, that isn't too bad.  When I was learning, it was when I reached the ~40wpm mark that Colemak started to feel natural and comfortable. At that point I stated to notice how a lot of common words and bigrams became a pleasant experience to type, and the whole thing gradually started to make sense.  My Qwerty speed was also around 55wpm before I switched. Nearly two years in, I am now at about 70wpm, which isn't super fast but certainly satisfactory.  I care more about comfort than speed anyway.

It will probably continue to need a little more concentration than had you stuck with Qwerty, but that's a small price to pay for the benefits. Perhaps if you are trying to simultaneously maintain your Qwerty skills then the task is made a lot more difficult.  I never use Qwerty any more (except on smartphone touchscreen), so I don't care about it.  If you can possibly avoid maintaining Qwerty, it will become easier I think. If not, then regular Colemak typing training should help.

If you go back to Qwerty now having sampled something so much better, I suspect you'll never really be satisfied.  I think you are close to the top of the mountain and it will be worth the effort to make that final push for the top. The views of the sunlit uplands beckon. Don't give up!

BTW which modded Colemak are you currently using?

yeah qwerty freaking sucks...i dunno...i feel like I can express myself in qwerty though much easier. I dunno how to explain it. even though I'm hnp and use the wrong fingers, I barely look at the keyboard...i can type what i'm thinking with no restrictions

here is/was my layout

I think i realized what it is. I "memorized" a lot of words in qwerty and even though I key them in wrong...it's effortless. I will move my fingers to the letters ahead of time on common words.

been typing for like > 30 years so it's just in me.

I noticed I'm doing really ridiculous stuff though. like i use my left thumb to hit some letters lol. so I prob will never really get any faster.

yeah i was thinking about what i did when i practiced. i would type passages or just letter combos. i wonder if i really drilled common words so I "memorized" them if that would help.

i love the changed home position. one thing that does cause trouble is on my other office computers i installed this layout but i have trouble touch typing because my fingers search for the nubs. i might just have to use qwerty when i use other computers if i stick to this "colemak". ugh. been typing qwerty today and it's effortless after not using it for  months other than here and there. but it's such an inferior layout

i tried to start learning touch typing in qwerty. forget it. hah.

yeah what a mess i'm in. if im gonna learn to touch type i might as well stick with colemak with mods. i already touch type that without looking.

i dunno. ugh im torn :/